Trouble With Your Boss?

Several years ago, I worked with a senior leader that was having a hard time building a relationship with his CEO. He had tried several tactics, meeting with him more often, writing reports about his successes, asking him for more guidance, going out for lunch with him, and nothing seemed to be working.

He was testing all the tips and advice he had read about on how to build relationships, but he wasn’t making any progress. Instead, things seemed to be getting worse.

When we started to work together, he was convinced he needed to leave. I told him that may very well be true but for the time being, we’d work on improve things while he was there.

We started our work by exploring the nature of relationships and trust.

We got curious about the ups and downs he experienced in relation to his boss. There were times when he thought his boss valued and appreciated him, and other times when he thought he was certain he’d be fired. Why was that so? What did he make of the fact that his experience with his boss had so many ups and downs? And what did what he was thinking in the moment impact his ability to connect and build trust with his boss?

First the ups and downs. The more we explored these the more he began to realize that the fluctuations in his thinking were mere interpretations of what he happened to see in the moment.

When we challenged the interpretations, he started to realize that the total opposite of his interpretation could also be true. He noticed that unknowingly and innocently he had seen his interpretations as fact, but in reality they weren’t. We could not know with 100% certainty that they were accurate. This was useful to know.

When we challenged what he say, he realized that this was subjective as well. There was a lot more going on than what he saw. He didn’t see what happened before his interaction with his boss, he had no idea what pressure he was under or how he felt about his own capacity to hold his role.

Even what he saw in his immediate interaction with his boss was up for grabs. He noticed that when he interacted with his boss in a low mood, he tended to have more negative interpretations of his boss’ actions. His low mood projected negativity onto the interaction.

When he was in a high mood, he projected more positivity onto the interaction. He either offered his boss the benefit of the doubt, or simply interpreted what he say more favourably.

And so together we wondered, might these impact his relationship with his boss?

Might his boss’ moods also shine light or shadow onto the relationship in the moment?

In the end, my client returned to work with this new found understanding of the power of the mind in relationships.

He learned to not trust his low mood interpretations.

And to not trust his boss’ low mood interpretations either.

He learned that there was much more to what the eye can see in any situation.

And even what the eyes can see, they are often quite deceiving.

In the end his relationship with boss improved, and so did every other relationship he had.