Knowledge vs Wisdom
As a society, we place undue focus on knowledge over wisdom.
Knowledge, what in business we call ‘hard skill's’, involves the craft of a role. The skills that allow you to be competent at doing the work you are employed to do.
Wisdom, commonly referred to as ‘soft skills’, involves everything else. It includes how you show up, how you build relationships, how you operate under pressure, your ability to be responsive and flexible, and that part of you that has you choose against a solid business case because something doesn’t feel right.
In today’s AI-powered world abundant in information, craft, while important is readily available and accessible. A quick google search offers anyone with an internet connection access to a slew of “how to’s” within seconds. AI-powered tools are quickly becoming the go to solution to organize expert information, process data efficiently and complete increasingly sophisticated tasks that once required a human.
This is not to take away from the value of developing your craft. Being competent at the technical skills of your work is important. Learning a skill, developing that skill and mastering it can be engaging and worthwhile. But the difference between being competent and having an impact, being good and being great, getting shit done and inspiring others, comes mostly from wisdom, not craft.
It’s often not what you do, but rather how you do it that counts.
Let me share a story to illustrate this.
In my corporate career, I participated in a multitude of training and leadership development programs. In one such program, I recall learning the 5-steps to having a meaningful conversation. The first step was ‘Connect’ which involved engaging in small talk; ask the person how they were feeling, about their family or plans for the weekend, their interests, before moving into what we actually wanted to talk about.
When we practiced this in the room, I noticed that while we all received the same instructions, and we were all following the same process, our ability to foster genuine connection varied greatly from one person to the next. Some of us were trying hard to get the process right, and in the process failed to connect with the person right in front of us. Those who held the process lightly and simply met the other person with an intention to connect, did, irrespective of what they were talking about or wether they followed the prescribed steps.
As we left the corporate training with a postcard listing the steps as a reminder, I wondered whether a focus on the steps, rather than our innate capacity for connection was the right place to direct our efforts.
I understood the intent of the postcard - learn the steps, practice them, get better at them. Makes sense. Learning and developing EQ!
Not a bad strategy, other than the fact that the person on the receiving end of such a strategy typically can feel that they are on the receiving end of a strategy. Which is an obstacle to connection, not an asset.
After a few weeks almost none of us were using the 5-step process and mostly because when we tried it, it almost never worked because people could feel they were a pawn in a learned prescription. They could feel that we were not REALLY with them.
So what do we do instead?
Rather than offer people knowledge through a 5-step process, point them to their wisdom. Point them to their innate capacity to connect with another being.
Invite them to simply show up with someone, with as little thinking as possible in the moment. To allow the natural connection that arises from presence to grow.
Point people to their innate real time response system that simply knows what to say and do next if we allow it.
Point them to the fact that they were made to connect with others, it’s part of their design. Allow them to feel their way into connection. Allow them to play with it because we’ve all had the experience of deep connection.
The fact that we’ve turned EQ into a prescription with a step by step process is understandable, and also why it so often doesn’t work to move the needle in a long lasting and sustainable way.
Instead, let’s start pointing people to what naturally occurs when they get out of their own way.
When they drop thinking in the moment and allow themselves to be guided from within.
From this place comes a beautifully curated process, perfect for the moment.
This is the power of wisdom, not knowledge!