THE POWER OF RECOMMITMENT IN CHANGING HABITS
Many people come to coaching to change an aspect of their lives. They want to either break a habit or start a new one. They want to create something new or move away from something that no longer serves them.
The process of change goes something like this:
You identify something that you want to change, explore the reasons why the change will benefit you, create a plan for how the change will happen and identify how you will keep yourself accountable. There are several variations to this process, but this is a basic framework.
In the beginning, you connect deeply with motivation, activate willpower to move forward and lean into accountability to reinforce positive action.
The first few days, sometimes even weeks, things run smoothly. You invest energy and attention on what you want to create, and you make positive strides forward. You're proud of your efforts and dedication and you start to see results - your plan is working!
And then "it" happens.
The "it" may be different for each person, but whatever it is, it reduces your commitment to the goal. Sometimes life simply gets busy, or another part of life requires your attention and effort, stress increases, willpower wanes, motivation becomes elusive, and you start slipping further away from your goal - before long the pull of your "old" patterns wins. Things go back to the way they used to be.
This starts the next phase - a process of self-berating talk about your lack of willpower, your inability to implement sustainable change and a basic underlying belief that you are flawed in some way. You beat yourself up and feel bad, which only leads you to fall deeper into whatever coping mechanism you've relied on.
Does this sound familiar? It does to me. I've witnessed this pattern repeat itself several times in my own life. Not because I'm not disciplined, because I am. Not because I don't have willpower, because I do. Not because I'm flawed in any way, because I'm not ...well I am, but that's not the point here.
I'm a human being. I'm disciplined, but not always. I have willpower, but it has its limit. I am flawed, but only in the way we all are.
The issue with the change process is that we don't go into it acknowledging that eventually we will need to RECOMMIT.
At the start of the process, our motivation is high and our willpower reserves are full. We somehow convince ourselves that these will remain high throughout the process. They don't. Despite having gone through the process in the past and having experienced the natural fluctuations of motivation and willpower, we somehow convince ourselves that this time will be different. This time we will be able to willpower our way through.
If we went into the process with an understanding that at some point we will need to recommit to the goal, we would navigate it with more ease and grace.
The reality is that change is possible. We know this from scientific findings.
Neuroplasticity, our brain's ability to grow and evolve, shows us that significant change can occur. We all have examples of sustainable change from our own lives as well as others. However, what we don't always remind ourselves of is that for most of us, change does not happen in a straight line. For most of us, it involves committing and recommitting.
Understanding that this is a natural way of the world allows us to change more fluidly, be gentler with ourselves when we find ourselves need to recommit, and ultimately improves our chances of reaching our goal. So, commit to recommitting, with no judgement. Accept it as a step in the change process and you'll find that your experience of change will be much smoother.
Warmly,
Lisa
Lisa is an Executive Coach, Founder & CEO of LDR Leadership Labs. For more from Lisa, join the LDR Leadership Community on LinkedIn at: www.linkedin.com/company/ldrleadershiplabs and sign up for the LDR Insiders Newsletter here.