Let’s Talk Fear, Shall We?

I've never considered myself a fearful person. While I've certainly experienced fear internally, I didn't give it much weight. As I've grown older, I've come to accept that I have certain fears and have structured my life around them—what I thought was just common sense.

For instance, when I travel solo, I'm meticulous about choosing where to stay, where to eat, which areas to visit, and how to get around. To me, this seemed like common sense. Don't all solo female travelers plan with safety in mind? Apparently not.

I was surprised when a friend told me she wore earphones while walking through the park at night. I asked her, "Aren't you afraid to walk through the park at night, especially with earphones?" For me, avoiding such situations was common sense, but for her, it was simply a shortcut home.

In my work with leaders, I've seen many who fear speaking up. They know what they want to say but worry about the consequences. Why speak up if nothing will change? What if they're judged or misunderstood? They often internalize these fears, letting them define their identity and capabilities. Yet these are just fearful thoughts that seem real at the moment.

There's a common misconception that fear comes from external circumstances—dark alleys, public speaking, or challenging situations at work. However, the truth is that fear originates from within our own minds. It's our thinking about a situation, not the situation itself, that creates fear. This realization can be empowering, as it means we have more control over our fears than we might have thought.

Fear can be obvious and shape our self-perception. Other times, it hides behind what we consider common sense or routine actions. When we question these habits, we often uncover underlying fears.

Why does this matter? Operating from a place of fear can hold us back. It can consume our mental energy with planning and organizing in an attempt to control outcomes. It can lead us to form negative beliefs about ourselves or cause us to live a life less fulfilling than it could be.

We always have the choice to embrace fear or not, even after recognizing it. By acknowledging and exploring our fears, we can reduce their impact on our mental bandwidth and open ourselves up to new possibilities. Understanding that our thoughts create our fears gives us the power to challenge and reshape them. Who knows what we might achieve when we allow that space to grow and realize that we have the ability to change our relationship with fear?