Don’t Take It Personally

Easy to say but in my experience not as easy to implement.

In Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements, Ruiz explains why it makes sense not to take things personally. He lays out the case that

anything someone does or says about you is based on their own thought, their own experience, and their own interpretation of what is happening.

As such, it has a lot more to do with them, than it does with the person that it’s directed to.

This makes sense. If your interpretation (aka the story you make up) and your focus (aka where you choose to direct your attention from the infinite number of possibilities) is negative, that must have more to do with you, than me.

It’s not to excuse my behaviour, but the person projecting the story must take responsibility for the projection, because without the projection there is no issue.

Ok, all good, makes sense. When I learned this, it was mind blowing to me and resonated as true.

Here is the added piece.

What I’m understanding now is, not taking it personally must apply with as much fervour to the positive as it does to the negative feedback.

While I was happy to and even relieved to let go of (as best I can) the negative perceptions of me (not that there are any, of course) , I really wanted to hold on to the positive ones. I enjoyed how they made me feel. It felt reassuring and validating.

However, and this is a big aha for me…

What I’m beginning to realize and understand is that if I’m connected to the positive, I will, by default also be connected to the negative.

The mechanics either work for both or neither.

I’ve heard Gary Vaynerchuk, say several times, to not be concerned about whether others perceive us positively or negatively, none of it matters. I agree.

In addition, something new just dropped for me recently.

Beyond what Don Miguel Ruiz and Gary Vaynerchuk speak to there’s another aspect of this exploration, from the perspective of the person being judged, that is also worth considering.

Taking things personally can only happen in our mind.

It’s another movie we play - also known as noise in head. It’s a common movie and many of us have watched and rewatched it, but it’s not a real thing. It doesn’t actually exist!

We may know the feeling of taking something personally, but taking something personally is a mental construct. It’s made up! And this is good news.

Can you begin to see that there’s really no need to take things personally?

Once we realize that we are engaged in stories and projecting our realities (both the judger and the judged), it’s all a lot less important.

We can choose to simply become present to life and deal with what is unfolding in front of us - rather than get wrapped up in the movie playing in our head.

And when we do get wrapped up, it’s comforting to know that it’s simply a movie, and the moment that we become wise to it, we can decide to get up, walk out and enjoy some popcorn in the lobby.

You see, presence doesn’t take things personally. It’s simply aware of, and interacting with, life as it happens.

Everything else, is simply a testament to the creative force of our minds and how we innocently and unknowingly create issues where there are none.

By the way, me too.