5 Useful things to know about problems

I was sitting in a coffee shop this week, when two men walked in from what looked like a long, sweaty run. They picked up coffees and water and sat down beside me for a animated catch-up. As they started chatting, they spent a few minutes exchanging updates on significant others and children and then delved deep into challenges - the discussion spanned personal problems, obstacles their companies were facing and difficulties the country as a whole was enduring. As they continued for what was surely well over an hour, I started to reflect on “problems”. What are they? Why do we seem to have so many of them and why do we love talking about them?

Let’s start with, what is a problem?

A problem is defined as “a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome.” The first thing that struck me as I contemplated this definition was that the situation must first be deemed as ‘unwelcome or harmful’ , requiring judgement by a person.

This explains why a situation is a problem for one person and isn’t for someone else. At its core, our interpretation is required for a matter to be classified as a problem. Without interpretation, there is no problem. Life simply is what it is and we simply respond to it. Even the second part of the definition points to the fact that a problem depends on our interpretation. In order to determine that a situation ‘needs to be dealt with and overcome’, requires a person to deem it so. Otherwise, situations would simply be dealt with, or not, in the moment, with no requirement on our part to deem it so.

The more I reflected on the definition of problems the more it became blatantly evident that there are no problems without a subject to perceive them. That is, we create all problems. They do not exist as stand alone events.

1.A problem can only be classified as a problem through our capacity to INTERPRET AND JUDGE. If not for our INTERPRETATIONS, things would simply happen and we would simply respond to them.

This is useful to see.

As I continued to listen to the conversation between the two runners in the coffee shop, I noticed that most of the problems being discussed were not problems that could be resolved in the moment. In fact, they were problems that were occurring out there, threats that could have greater impact at some point in the future, but not right now. These problems are typically called worries. And worries are made.

If the runners woke up with amnesia the next day, these worries would seize to exist. They would have no impact because they aren’t real in the moment. The only thing true for the runners in that moment was that they were sitting in a coffee shop chatting and sipping coffee, while a nosy stranger listened in. Understanding this, allows us to hold these worries lightly, to see behind the curtain of what is real and what is made up. This doesn’t mean that we don’t have worries anymore, it means we don’t believe them at the same level and so they arise and fade with ease.

2.worries are merely a manifestation of our imagination.

And so I wondered, if problems can only be deemed as problems through interpretation and interpretations fluctuate, and most problems are worries made up through imagination about some potential greater consequence in the future, why then do we spend so much of our time engaged with them?

Now before we explore this, I should tell you about a deep belief I have about humans, because it sits at the centre of how I answer this question. I believe that humans are beautifully designed, we are perfectly engineered. And so my question has an implicit assumption in it: why if ‘we’re so wonderfully engineered’, do we spend so much of our time inflicting discomfort upon ourselves?

The answer must be that we believe we are helping, rather than hurting. In no other scenario does inflicting ourselves with ongoing pain make sense.

Here’s what I mean.

3.Up until the moment we see at a deep level that classifying situations as problems and creating worries through imagination have no purpose and do not help, we will continue to engage in this type of thinking.

And so what do we get that we believe helps.

Well in the case of the two runners, they seem to be experiencing a sense of connection from commiserating. They nodded and smiled at each other, they agreed with each others perspectives and you could tell they felt a sense of connection from their shared experience. I know that feeling well. I’ve gone as far as pretending I feel a certain way in order to attain it.

There were also moments of ego stroking - discussions that hinted at, ‘if we were in charge, things would be different…’ I intimately know the sense of superiority that comes from this line of thinking. The ego delights on this type of dialogue.

A sense of progress often arises from discussing problems as well. And even if we’re not really making any forward movement, we get compassion and attention from others as they listen, and validation for whatever emotion we may be feeling in the moment. And so we create problems and love discussing them because we receive something in return, even if they also come with a good dose of struggle and discomfort.

I also noticed as I listened that whenever one of the runners became really absorbed in the problem they were discussing, the intensity would always build to a peak and then subside. This cycle repeated itself multiple times. Someone would get riled up, and eventually that same person would say something to the effect of, “It’ll be okay,” “I’ll handle it when it happens,” or just shrug it off with an “oh well.”

4. It was as if they had a built-in settling mechanism to handle problems.

As if a part of them knew that the problem was made up and when it became real they would handle whatever needed handling. This was remarkable to witness because I don’t think we give this part of us much attention. We focus on the problem and not on the effortless settling mechanism that always has our back, that always brings us back to peace of mind. With todays focus on mindfulness and meditation, these processes have become another thing to do. But what if it’s a built-in process that requires no effort at all? What if it’s our natural state? And what if it’s in this natural state that new thoughts arise that ARE helpful? And, what if we need to do a lot LESS about our problems than we think?

The last insight I had arose from a new and fresh perspective about the discomfort we feel when we engage with situations we classify as ‘problems’.

5. the discomfort is simply inviting us to settle.

It’s not telling us anything about the situation we’re in. It’s telling us that we are lost in some unhelpful thinking. And unhelpful thinking simply keeps us on a rollercoaster of emotions that despite moving, always ends where it started, with no progress made and a whole lot of adrenalin flowing through our veins.

Whenever I feel discomfort, worry or fear, what if it’s simply inviting me to get off the rollercoaster, settle and see what new and fresh ideas may occur.