Positive Thinking Is Not the Answer

We hear a lot about positive thinking.

The idea that if we change our thoughts to positive (aka good) thoughts, then our life will change for the better. While there’s some truth in this, positive thoughts do tend to lead to good feelings, what this concept fails to consider is that ALL humans have negative thoughts.

We can’t escape them.

It’s simply a reality of life.

And the fallacy that a life without negative thinking is possible, often leads to more self-judgement which makes things worse, rather than better.

I had a client a few years ago that was a senior leader in a government role that wanted to work on his negative thinking. As he described it, it was the cause of his long work days, his fear of pursuing more senior roles, his hesitation to take on prominent projects and his overall stress and wellbeing.

He came to me wanting to get rid of the inner voice that told him he wasn’t good enough.

He wanted more positive thinking.

When I told him that getting rid of that voice was not an option, he looked confused. I explained that the belief “change your thinking, change your life” would set him up for failure, self judgement and a never ending search for something that doesn’t exist.

Instead, our work would focus on understanding thought and its impact, so that even if the voice never changed, his experience of the voice would transform.

I’m not suggesting there’s no truth to the idea that positive thinking leads to good feelings. This has some merit.

However, rather than trying to have more positive thinking, only to find out that we can’t entirely avoid negative thinking, why not better understand the nature of thought.

Rather than put effort in eliminating what naturally occurs, only to realize that our effort leads to more negativity, rather than less, why not consider it as a natural human condition.

Whether it’s an evolutionary pattern (aka negativity bias) or simply a habit wired in during childhood or early adulthood to cope, we all have negative thinking. It simply is.

This makes it less about ME or YOU, and more about US having a natural human occurrence.

And in the instance that we realize that we are simply experiencing our thinking, we can decide to believe the random thoughts, and go down the rabbit hole of self loathing and criticism, or we can decide to see it as a cue to simply settle.

Just as we can’t see the beauty of what lies at the center of a snow globe when it’s shaken, we too can not see the beauty, capacity and intelligence within ourselves when our reality is clouded by negative thinking.

The inner voice of criticism, judgement and fear is pointing us to settle.

It’s letting us know that our thoughts are not to be trusted in that moment.

It’s telling us we’re in the shaken snow globe of our thinking, with limited access to our wisdom and common sense.

It’s lovingly inviting us to wait, settle and look again.

So next time you hear someone espouse the benefits of positive thinking, know that it can help, but ultimately it’s not the answer.

positive thinking IS not the answer Because…

• trying to have less negative thinking often leads to more

• positive thinking comes and goes, which leads to a sense of failure when it goes

• emphasizing positive thinking suggests we should believe our thinking, rather than seeing it as a simple interpretation, which often makes negative thinking feel more real rather than less

What’s true?

• thought is transient - always changing and shifting

• we do not control our thinking, hence we can not think positively all the time

• we are always and only ever experiencing our thinking in the moment