My Rant About Our Obsession With Wanting More
We are living in a world of "more-ness". Everywhere we go, we receive messages that tell us we should do more, be more, achieve more, have more, see more, hear more, grow more.
Anyone that has access to the internet is able to share and absorb ideas, tips, experiences and achievements. This is a great thing in many ways and there are costs as well. Millions share the highlight reel of their lives and millions witness this as the way life should be or is.
Consciously, we understand that other peoples' lives are not "perfect" and that they too face challenges. Subconsciously though, we are on the receiving end of a bombardment of messages suggesting that others are living amazing lives through "more-ness".
Dream big, we tell our kids - as if this were preparing them for a life well lived. Is it? How do we know? What is the evidence that size is what is important? And how do we measure how big is big enough?
Does a "big" dream bring us more happiness and fulfillment? Is happiness and fulfillment what we are in search of? Or is it something else? Is it, perhaps, proof that we are indeed good enough to achieve, worthy enough to receive and valuable enough to live an "abundant life", as is so often spewed in popular posts?
People talk about abundance as if it's something to chase after and as if it eludes us. Bullshit. Abundance is all around us. In the air that we breathe. The body we occupy. In the trees that surround us. In the infinite possibilities available within us.
Stop chasing abundance. Start recognizing that it is here already.
Honestly, I am pretty tired of hearing this sentiment. More. More stuff. More goals. More money. More friends. More experiences. It's enough to make my head spin and I'm a friggin coach - I'm supposed to help you with more, right? Not exactly.
Albert Einstein is known for his Theory of Relativity, and he had an equally powerful Theory of Happiness, that is not as well known. He wrote, "A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness."
I have read research that suggests happiness increases with increases in income, up to a point. You basically need enough to know that your basic needs will be covered comfortably and beyond that, more income does not necessarily translate into more happiness.
I have also read research that suggests our level of satisfaction has a lot to do with how we compare to those around us. If we have less than those around us, we are less satisfied - presumably because we are reminded of what we don't have more often. However, if we have slightly more than those around us, we are more likely to be satisfied - presumably because we are reminded of what we do have. What does this mean in a world of social media and reality TV shows where those "around us" are multimillion dollar celebrities with a half dozen luxury cars in their driveways, social media influencers who fake their luxurious lifestyles and everyday people sharing the highlights of their average lives?
It's easy to get trapped in a cycle of never enough.
If we all adopt a calm and modest life, however, does it mean that we cease to grow, innovate, evolve and learn? Does it mean that the advancements in medicine, technology, science and philosophy cease to occur? Does it mean that we need to stay where we are, never wanting to make a better life for ourselves or our children? I don't believe so.
My parents are immigrants. They came to Canada after immigrating to France from Portugal in search of a better life. Were they in search of more-ness? Are they guilty of what I describe above?
It certainly didn't feel that way to me. I never heard my parents compare themselves to others in a way that had them feel bad about what they had or covet what someone else had. They worked hard, they saved their money, they were grateful for the things they had and celebrated life in a way that they could afford - not worrying much about how others lived their lives. My dad and mom prioritized lifestyle, friends and family above all else. They focused on working hard when they were at work and enjoying life when they were home. While they didn't have much, they recognized what they did have with deep gratitude. When things got difficult or they were uncertain about money, they got creative and spiritual to help them through. And when things worked out - as they always did despite several bumps along the road - they thanked a higher being/force for guiding them forward.
This is different than chasing more-ness. More-ness is characterized by a consistent thought pattern of seeing what you don't yet have and what you have yet to achieve.
I have a friend that once shared that she lived off $5.00 a day when traveling and when sitting on a mountain top watching the sunset, she realized how happy and truly satisfied she was in that moment. She carried this insight with her throughout her life and it offered her comfort and solace as she built a career and successful business. She knew that no matter what happened, she could find happiness, connection and deep satisfaction with no assets, no plan for tomorrow and simply a sunset to enjoy. This offered her freedom to explore life, to take risks and enjoy everything that life offered, seeing it as a gift.
In the end, I am reminded of a powerful quote I heard and so deeply resonates with me,
"You can never have enough of what you don't really need."
And this, my friends, it the point. When you say you want more, what is more? What are you truly after? What do you think will occur when you get your "more"? What if you could create that "thing" today, right now, with no assets, no plan for tomorrow, simply the gift of air to breath, sunsets to enjoy and people to connect with. What might this type of freedom open you up to and how might it transform your experience of life?
Warmly,
Lisa
Lisa is an Executive Coach, Founder & CEO of LDR Leadership Labs. For more from Lisa, join the LDR Leadership Community on LinkedIn at: www.linkedin.com/company/ldrleadershiplabs and sign up for the LDR Insiders Newsletter here.