HOW TO BREAK THE STRUGGLE CYCLE
There’s a line of thinking that promotes suffering today for a better tomorrow.
This is a ridiculous sentiment that I simply do not support. I’ve seen the other side of this and it’s not pretty!
It’s certainly in line with what our western society tells us though. I remember in business school being told that getting your MBA could negatively impact your health and relationships, but rest assured it’s only 2 years and then you’ll be back to your life. The strange thing looking back, was that it sounded completely fine when I heard it. Sure suffer two years for a bright future - ok sign me up.
The only issue was that’s how my career started too. I thought to myself, “Ok, I’m the newbie, I need to put in more work than everyone else - get in early and stay late - prove myself and eventually I’ll be able to kick my feet up and enjoy.” A few more years of suffering through hard work and I’ll be in a good place, I reminded myself.
Because I was a high achiever I was promoted every 2 to 3 years, and each time I put in extra hours learning, figuring things out and proving myself. What started as “a couple of years”, turned into a decade.
Then I had kids, became a landlord, helped to grow a family business and things just kept getting busier and busier.
Soon I started to believe that it was all that darn hard work that had me be promoted, and do well in my career and life. How could I stop? How could I risk it all, now that I had a senior role, broad responsibilities and big goals. No, I couldn’t dare stop now, so I kept “suffering” delaying gratification again and again.
Ok, so this may sound a bit dramatized and it is. The truth is that for most of my corporate career, I enjoyed what I did (until I didn’t and ended up leaving) so it wasn’t suffering with a big “S”.
Also true is that this idea that we must suffer today to reap the benefits tomorrow is a dangerous game.
In my own life, I worked harder than I had to and caused myself undue stress all in the name of suffering today to enjoy tomorrow (though I may not have used these words at the time).
I’ve worked with too many leaders that innocently started down this road and got caught in the struggle cycle. They continue waiting for tomorrow to reap the benefits, and while they’ve accumulated wealth, power and prestige, they continue to struggle to keep these things not willing to try another way - falsely believing that it’s the “struggle” that gave them these things to begin with.
Here’s a better way to look at it. Learn to enjoy the process, not the destination.
Have you ever reached a big goal and celebrated for a day or two and then instantly look forward to the next goal. We spend so much time and energy focusing on reaching a goal - “suffering” through all the BS to only brush it off once we arrive.
We don’t “reap the benefits”, we look forward to the next struggle cycle. What a way to live!
What if instead we committed our energy and efforts to finding a process we actually enjoy. A process that has us feel alive and engaged. Would we then be able to not “suffer”, find a way to achieve with enjoyment and bring forward more creativity, wellness and connection in the process?
Yes, we can and it only takes your commitment to get there. I’ve worked with countless leaders that have been stuck in the struggle cycle, addicted to busyness and putting in the hours. Together, we slow it down. Double down on the activities we enjoy and find other strategies for those things we don’t. It’s possible. It takes some time. And the only thing you need to do, is start. Start small. Start.
Warmly,
Lisa
Lisa is an Executive Coach, Founder & CEO of LDR Leadership Labs. For more from Lisa, join the LDR Leadership Community on LinkedIn at: www.linkedin.com/company/ldrleadershiplabs and sign up for the LDR Insiders Newsletter here.