The Illusion of Self
We live in a mind-created world. One that’s created and animated by us. Even our identity is an illusion. Any idea of ME can only exist in our mind, as a concept, a perception. There is no you.
If you think there is, where is it? Point to it now.
Is your body you? No. If you were to lose a limb, would you be less of you? No, so your body cannot be you.
Are your thoughts or emotions you? How could they be? They come and go—they’re not static or ever-present. Unless the “you” that is you appears and disappears and changes from moment to moment, we can’t say your thoughts or emotions are you.
Is your personality who you are? As your personality changes from a young child to a teenager and then an adult, does that mean a new you is born each time? When did the old you cease to exist and the new you arise? Personality, like thoughts, emotions, and behaviours, comes and goes. It can’t be who you are.
What about the story of you—is that who you are? Isn’t that simply a collection of words to describe a perception you hold at a moment in time about things that happened in the past? When your story changes—like it does through therapy or personal growth—does that change the you that existed before? If someone else has a different story of you, does that mean there’s more than one you? The point is, the story isn’t you either.
Lastly, is your role, résumé, or your latest success or failure who you are? These things fluctuate throughout your life. Does that mean you become a different you with each change? No.
In spiritual circles, people point to pure awareness or consciousness as the true self. The idea is that we occupy a body but we are not a body. We create and experience thoughts, emotions, and actions, but we are not our thoughts, emotions, or actions. We are the thinker—not the thought. The experiencer—not the experience. We are the pure awareness from which everything else arises.
Now, this might sound a bit too spiritual for a leadership blog. Hang in there—I’ll get to the relevance in a minute. But even neuroscientists widely agree on a few things when it comes to the concept of self:
The “self” is a creation of the brain. Neuroscience shows our sense of “me” is generated by neural activity—it isn’t something you’ll find in one spot, or as a physical object anywhere in the body.
It’s always changing. What we call “I” constantly shifts with thoughts, feelings, memories, and roles—there’s no permanent, unchanging self at our core.
The self is made of many layers. Body awareness, personal stories, social roles, and emotional states—all these change over time, none hold the title of “real you.”
The sense of a constant “me” is a useful illusion. Our experience of being the same person is real, but it’s not a thing; it’s an ongoing process, a story the mind keeps telling and updating.
As the neuroscientist Anil Seth writes in his book, Being You:
“The self is not an immutable entity that lurks behind the windows of the eyes, looking out into the world and controlling the body as a pilot controls a plane. The experience of being me, or of being you, is a perception itself – or better, a collection of perceptions – a tightly woven bundle of neurally encoded predictions geared towards keeping your body alive. And this, I believe, is all we need to be, to be who we are.”
So, why does this matter for leadership?
Because the way we see ourselves—and others—changes everything. When we realise our identity is fluid and shaped by context, we become more open to growth, more compassionate towards change (in ourselves and our teams), and more resilient in the face of challenges. If we can hold our sense of self a little lightly, we’re less likely to take things personally, get stuck in old stories, or resist new possibilities.
That’s freedom—not just for leaders, but for humans.