Why we fail and what to do about it

January is a fun month in my family. We celebrate 3 birthdays this month; my son, mine and my mom's. We go from holiday parties to birthday parties. While others set nutrition and exercise goals, we continue to eat cake. 

While this might seem like a bad thing on the surface, it's actually quite a helpful motivator.  I know I'll be eating cake in January, and so I remain committed to eating mostly healthy throughout the holidays, and yes I enjoy tasty treats too. 

I avoid the story..."I'll indulge now and make up for it in the future." I stay balanced.

Which brings me to goals, failures and our stories.

January is a time when people set goals, plan for the year ahead, think about what they want to change and how they want things to be different. At this time of year, we find renewed motivation to transform.

The sad reality is that mostly these changes don't stick. We follow our new routine for awhile and slowly move back to old habits.

Our motivation wanes, we slip, we tell ourselves a story about our lack of will power, that we're doomed to fail and solidify ourselves in our old habits. 

Sound familiar?

Here are a few counterintuitive points about goals to consider.

Release big goals.

Rather than big audacious goals, what are the small actionable and easy to achieve goals that will set you up for a big goal down the line? What can you do today to make 2023 easier? What can you do this year, to help next year run smoothly? Keep asking yourself this throughout the year.  

Question your motives.

Who do you want to achieve this for? Are you achieving it for you or to impress others? Are you doing it because you want to or because someone told you to? Is it wanting or should? (be honest. ponder this one for awhile.)

Stop making it hard.

You don't get a special medal for making it hard on yourself. It's not worth more, nor does it feel better, so why not make it fun and easy. How can you make achieving your goal fun? How you can simplify it so that it's easy? Can you turn it into a game or do it with a friend/colleague ?

Results matter less than you think. 

Michael Phelps had suicidal thoughts after winning 28 Olympic medals. Albert Bourla, CEO of Pfizer, had a remarkable year, and then was overcome with worry on how he'd make next year better. Extraordinary results didn't bring them sustained happiness or satisfaction. Results matter less than you think.

Focus on enjoying the process. Focus on creating happiness through the inputs and worry less about the results. 

Pursue Less. 

Define what few things matter the most and do those things, only those things, nothing more. Whether we acknowledge it or not, we're always making tradeoffs. Yes to this, means no to something else. Learn to say no, politely and respectfully. More is not the answer. Less is.