Full permission + Full responsibility = Leadership

When we are born and during the first few years of our lives, we live free of social norms. We scream when we want to scream, laugh out loud with no concern if others are laughing too and leap at the chance to try something new in front of others, even in the face of failure. 

We’ve all had the experience of a young child telling us something that was not socially acceptable, but was delivered with such innocence, honesty and care that we simply accepted it for what it was – their truth. (hence the saying: Kids say the darndest things!)

As we get older, with the help of our parents we learn socially acceptable behaviours. We learn to say thank you and please, we learn to sit still in class and listen to our teachers, we learn that there are actions that people will praise and actions that people will shun.

As we become older still, we learn what to speak out loud and what to keep to ourselves. We learn to behave in specific ways based on context and who is present. We learn how to act to not ruffle feathers, or we opt for the other extreme, and use exaggerated action to earn attention. 

We learn these lessons and live our lives according to these rules for many years. Then one day, we realize that some of these rules are not serving us. That these adopted patterns go counter to who we want to be, how we want to operate and go against the very things that we value and hold as important. When this occurs, we realize that what got us here, won’t get us there.

While the socialized behaviour helped us to get to this place, they have diluted the true version of ourselves and are now obstacles for the next phase of our lives. 

At this point, we go through the process of “unlearning” what we have learned. 

We bring these behaviours into the light to evaluate how they have helped us and how they are not serving us. This is the process of returning to who we truly are. 

This is about giving ourselves full permission. 

Full permission to be you. Full permission to speak up. Full permission to express yourself openly and loudly. To lean into the discomfort. To have difficult conversations. To stand up without any guarantees of what you will find when you do.

Here’s the only caveat.

With full permission, you must also take full responsibility. Full responsibility for your impact.

Full permission with no responsibility is cowardly. Full permission with full responsibility is what authentic and courageous leadership is all about. 

So express yourself.

Don’t hold yourself back. Don’t be overly cautious or careful. This will only serve to dampen your spirit and weaken your relationships.

Be bold. Speak up. Speak out. 

And when you do, stay to notice your impact. 

Take note and whatever that impact is, whether intended or unintended, take responsibility for it. Don’t walk away, defend or blame. Accept and create from this place.  This is what leadership is. 

Be an example of what it takes to build trust, face conflict, act according to your values especially when its difficult to do so. Be the example of Courageous Leadership.

Full permission + Full responsibility = A leader worth following