Know when to ask for help

Is your inner critic saying you should be doing more or coping better? Is your inner critic judging what you are or are not doing or being? 

Mine was alive and well yesterday. 

My inner stickler, which I call Ms. Perfectionist, judged how I was home schooling, how I was balancing… or she would say “not balancing” life and work, how I should be reading more, learning more, serving more, the list goes on and on...

We all have inner critics, that inner voice that is not pleasant, judges us and others and drives behaviour that operates at an unconscious level.

Shirzad Chamin, Stanford lecturer and CEO Coach, has done extensive work in the area of Inner Critics (he calls them Saboteurs). He has identified 10 different Saboteurs, including Controller, Pleaser, Hyper-Achiever to name a few. 

You can learn more about each of the 10 Saboteurs in his book Positive Intelligence or take his Free Online Assessment to identify your most prominent Saboteurs at https://assessment.positiveintelligence.com/saboteur/overview

What’s important to note about your Inner Critic is that fear drives it’s actions and while it’s methods are not life affirming, it’s intention is to protect you.

Once you learn more about Inner Critics and the different Saboteurs, you will notice them everywhere. (believe me a conversation with friends will never be the same again)

During my 17 years in corporate life, I saw inner critics driving behaviour and perspectives all the time and at every level of the organization. I noticed it in myself as well – saying something at a meeting when I had nothing new to offer simply because I felt my voice had to be heard, not speaking up when I didn’t agree with the popular sentiment out of fear of being controversial, working long hours and putting in more time and effort than was required simply to make things “perfect” and be perceived as smart, accomplished and “better than”. All this was driven by my inner critic’s fear, who before I gave voice and awareness to, was in the drivers seat of may career more than I would like.

So why learn about your inner critic? What is the value?

Choice! Bringing awareness to the unconscious forces that drive your leadership, brings you freedom of choice. Choice to identify who you want to be, the leader you are when you are at your best, and the power to make the best choice. 

And so, as we collectively try to settle into a new reality, a new routine, are being asked to juggle more and manage our way through increased demands, it is no surprise that this is fertile ground for our inner critics.

Here’s my suggestion:

accept your humanity, 

know that good enough is good enough, 

acknowledge all the things you are doing, being, handling and processing,

celebrate the small wins,

forget about the “shoulds”, 

embrace the wants,

come from love and compassion for yourself and others.