What I don't want you to know about me

Too often in life, we pretend that we are something that we are not. 

We try to live up to an image of something that we have invented, or others have created for us. 

We judge ourselves when something other than what “should be” arises and hide it from others afraid that they might find us out for who we really are. 

I coach high achievers. 

I work with leaders that have had success, achieved goals and are touted as high performers. 

They have a strong image. A revered personal brand. People look up to them for all that they’ve accomplished. 

What they don’t share is that each and every one of them, (me included) suffers from an imposter syndrome. A belief at some level that we didn’t fully deserve our achievements and that people one day will figure that out. 

And so, we create an image. We do everything in our power to live up to this image. Sharing only those things that reinforce it and shunning those things that go counter to it. 

I want to shatter this image. 

Shatter it because it’s a fallacy for all of us. We all have light and shadow, accomplishments and failings, wins and loses. 

None of us lives up to the image. No one. We are more complex than that. It’s just not that simple. 

So, as leaders, let’s lead the way by showing up in a more human way – a way that allows for strengths and weaknesses. 

I’ll go first. 

I’ll start with pure and raw vulnerability about my shadows during this time. 

1. What I don’t want you to know about me is... 

I’ve struggled with my weight during this pandemic. I’ve used chocolate as a coping mechanism and felt guilty as a result. I have had my ups and downs at home - everything from deep gratitude and calm to deep sadness and frustration. I have had to learn to be ok with both. I have gotten annoyed at my kids more often than I would like. I have said things I regret to people that I love and have reacted in ways I am not proud of. 

I will not, however, make excuses. We all have similar moments, unfortunately in the world of business and corporate life we too often deny them, ignore them or hide them away as if they were causes for shame. They are not. They make us human. And I for one would rather have a human with enough awareness and courage to show all sides of themselves leading me, instead of someone I can not relate to because the only share the highlight reel. I’m not advocating for putting all our home struggles on the table at work. I am advocating for more humanity and some space given for leaders to bring their whole selves to work and to share their challenges as fluidly as they do their wins. 

Now, for the acceptance and celebration of my light. 

2. What I do want you to know about me is ... 

I wake up before 6 am to workout for an hour every day. I meditate, read, write and connect with myself before anyone else is awake at home. I can see the impact of my coaching on my kids, they have learned effective stress management skills and they sound like little coaches talking to each other. This makes me proud. I love my work deeply and have done more pro bono work over the last few weeks than ever before. This brings me joy. I care about humanity and want to be a powerful agent of change and compassion. This lights up a fire in my belly so powerful that it scares me. I love and accept myself for who I am and for who I am continuously evolving into. 

Well there it is. My shadow and light. All of it a part of me. All of it noteworthy and valuable. 

What kind of leader are you? Do you share your loses with the same honesty as you do your wins? What kind of leader would you prefer to follow?