Are you willing for it to go poorly?

This is the question that one of my coaches asked me a couple of years ago. Just as the words came out of her mouth I gasped. "Go poorly! What do you mean?! It's going to go poorly?

NO, it CAN'T go poorly!" She leaned back, remained quiet and simply looked at me with compassion.

I could feel my whole body recoil, I started to feel hot and uncomfortable in my chair. "Poorly", I whispered to myself confused and irritated.

My coach continued to look at me and didn't utter a word. She remained calm and I watched as she took a couple of deep breaths. I decided to do the same.

After a minute or two, I calmed down and realized how difficult it was for me to be with this simple question.

I was attached to getting it "right!"

When my coach realized that I had had an insight, she leaned in and said softly,

"until you're willing for it to go poorly, you'll continue to play small."

These words hit me like a ton of sharp needles piercing every inch of my body. She was right and I knew it. What had kept me safe was also stunting my potential, my joy and my creativity.

Since that day, I've worked to feel comfortable with it "going poorly" - not as an excuse to not try, but rather as a path to trying new things that I am called to do and don't yet feel ready for.

I still find myself, trying to get it "right", but I'm working on it and I'm willing for it go poorly, and try again.