The Illusion of Comparison

In this video, Lisa delve's into the often absurd nature of comparisons. Have you ever found yourself measuring your worth against someone else's achievements, only to realize how illogical it is to do so? Join us as we explore the truth behind comparing ourselves to others and uncover what is actually happening when we compare. By the end of this journey, you'll gain a fresh perspective on the futility of comparisons and break free from the comparison trap!

In the fast-paced world of corporate leadership, the pressure to succeed can often lead to unhealthy comparisons. This was the reality for Mark, a high-achieving executive at a leading tech company. Despite his impressive credentials and accomplishments, Mark often found himself feeling inadequate when he compared his journey to those of his peers. However, a few pivotal insights changed his perspective.

Here is what Mark uncovered in our work together exploring the Nature of Comparisons.

The Internal vs. External Dilemma

One day, during a networking event, Mark was struck by the polished appearance of a fellow executive, who seemed to effortlessly command the room. As he observed this individual, Mark couldn't help but feel a pang of insecurity. He began to compare how he felt on the inside—self-doubt and anxiety—with how this executive appeared on the outside—confident and successful. As we reflected on this experience, this comparison, he realized, was inherently unfair. 

Mark’s internal struggle was not a reflection of reality, but rather a distorted perception shaped by insecure thinking. He recognized that he was measuring his worth against a neatly curated exterior that masked the complexities of another person’s life. This realization allowed him to appreciate the unfairness of comparing how he felt on the inside with how he perceived someone else from the outside!

The Distorted Lens of Insecurity

As Mark continued to reflect, he became aware of a pattern: his mind was quick to focus on what was going wrong in his life while amplifying the successes of others. In moments of insecurity, it was as if a filter had been placed over his reality, selectively highlighting evidence that supported a negative narrative about himself. The truth was that everyone, including the seemingly flawless executive, faced challenges and struggles that were hidden from our view due to our distorted perception in the moment.

This recognition was liberating for Mark. He began to understand that comparisons are rooted in a skewed perception. Not only was he comparing how he felt on the inside with how someone looked on the outside, but his insecure thinking was tainting what he was seeing on the outside. That is his interpretation in the moment about how someone looked on the outside could not be trusted. By acknowledging this realization, he started to see how inaccurate and untrustworthy his thinking was when we was playing the comparison game.

The Curated Past and Future

Mark also saw that comparisons can only stem from a self-curated interpretation of the past and an imagined projected future. When he compared himself to others, he was not accurately assessing the past or the future; instead, he was projecting a narrative that was heavily influenced by his insecurities. He realized that both his past and future were conceptual constructions—stories he had created in his mind to fit the insecure thinking he was experiencing in the moment. As such, when he reflected on the past his mind would only bring up evidence that supported his insecure thinking, and when we thought to the future, his mind only made dire projections based again on his insecure feeling.

This revelation allowed Mark to step back from the comparison trap. By focusing on the present and what was unfolding in the moment, he found that the urge to compare diminished significantly.

Mark’s journey serves as a powerful reminder of the absurdity of comparison. By understanding that comparisons are based on distorted perceptions fuelled by insecure thinking in the moment, we can free ourselves from the burden of feeling inadequate. When we recognize that our self-worth is not determined by distorted interpretations that change moment to moment, we no longer spend much time entertaining them.